Feb 21

Bored of baby bores?

by LifeLoveLaura on February 21, 2013

The following post was originally published on Bonfire Night Bride on 5th December 2012.

Today I read a post on Any Other Woman. It is a blog that I’ve heard of but not one that I often visit however, a post on motherhood and the dreaded ‘baby bore’ syndrome inspired me. Since giving birth to my gorgeous baby boy T on 1st September I have really tried my hardest to avoid turning into one of those mothers that announce on Facebook every shit and fart their child kicks out. Not only am I mindful that a lot of people don’t care, seeing that sort of thing myself makes me want to scream. It is also nice to preserve a tiny bit of privacy for your child.

I am at the age where my friends and I are getting married and having babies, which is a wonderful thing. It is nice to share cute stories with each other, compare notes on how we’re doing feeding wise, talk about the horrors of labour, or pass round the odd adorable photo but the whole world does not need to see every move your child makes splashed all over the internet. For this, the ‘unfollow’ and ‘unfriend’ buttons are a God send.

“If you don’t want to share the joy of children why have you had a baby you miserable sod?” some might ask. That’s a very good question. I have never gone gaga over ankle biters, even as a child I didn’t like other kids but now I’m at the right age and time in my life where I feel ready for it. To have another little person in your arms, one that is your own flesh and blood is the most overwhelming feeling possible and one that only other mothers can empathise with. I may get lynched for this but the only feeling that has ever come close is when I got my beautiful Labrador puppy. Non mother pet owners – remember that feeling and times it by a million.

You know what other mothers can also understand? How hard being a parent actually is. When I was pregnant I wanted to throttle anybody who said “oh you just wait until they’re born” every time I moaned about how terrible my pregnancy was – hyperemesis, chronic pelvic girdle pain, sickness until around 7 months and extreme immobilising all over body swelling. People insinuating that you know nothing until your baby is here drove me mad and still does when I see it aimed at other pregnant ladies. I felt like saying “I’m fully aware how hard it’s going to be, you patronising bastard,” but somehow managed to hold back.

I am notorious for resembling Satan when I am tired so the whole lack of sleep thing was the one thing that, in all honesty, terrified me. Since Toby has been in the world, he has been a pretty good snoozer and has slept through the night since 8 weeks old. I feel like others think I’m a smug git when I say it but it is genuinely said with no sly Grinch style grin. After all, why would I lie to pretend that I know how others feel when they’re complaining about an insomniac baby? We have been told on numerous occasions that we “don’t know how lucky we are.” Well actually, yes we do. We’re extremely grateful of the sleep and thank the kid every day for taking after his mum in that department! On the other hand, the poor boy has only been on the Earth 13 weeks but he’s been wearing a Pavlik harness for hip dysplasia for half of his little life. He’s had chicken pox and also surgery for an inguinal hernia. So really, we’re actually not that lucky are we? Nothing life threatening here but still, invasive procedures on your tiny baby aren’t nice. Do you know what is key to not letting things like this as a mother get to you? Just getting on with it.

In labour

As a new mother with no experience of babies (the only thing I’ve reared from being tots are kittens and a puppy!) I’d like to think that my husband and I have taken to this parenting lark like ducks to water. After all, you kind of just have to. When a little person is laying there counting on you as their only source of food, cleanliness and all of the other stuff that it takes to look after a baby there is no other choice but to just crack on. I had a horrendous time in labour. Long story short – at two weeks over due I was induced. After fifteen hours of a hormone drip and still only 3cm dilated with an extremely distressed baby in there, Toby was whipped out via the sunroof. I then had a womb infection from meconium inside me during my C-Section and a dangerously low platelet count so I was kept in hospital for four days after the birth for intra-venous anti-biotics and monitoring. I also couldn’t walk.

Being housebound for the last couple of months of my pregnancy, the day after I was discharged from hospital I visited the M&S cafe with my husband and our new son to enjoy some sparkling orange juice, being out of the house and most importantly, being parents. I’m not bragging or trying to be a martyr but I do think that just getting on with it helps you adjust to being new parents. The longer you stay in the house thinking “what the fuck have I done?” the more of a shock to the system it is when it actually comes to going out and doing something, new baby in tow. I know every mother is different but complaining about the perils of parenting isn’t going to get you anywhere. Yes, going out is easier said than done. Your nips might be sore. It’s a struggle to actually DO anything after a C-Section but for God’s sake, and without trying to sounds like a sponsored post for Nike, JUST DO IT. Personally, I think I take after my mum. She had three children all under 10 whilst my dad was away at sea 6 months at a time. Along with bringing up a baby girl and two troublesome little buggers for sons, she was also in training to become a mental health nurse. She had no choice but to ‘just get on with it.’ Did she complain? Hell yeah she did, why wouldn’t she? If she didn’t, she would’ve needed a mental health nurse never mind studying to BE one! The difference is, back then she didn’t have the world to complain to at the touch of a button on a smart phone or laptop.

Parenthood isn’t a walk in the park. It is not only emotionally taxing but financially. As a hard working married woman, the only time I think of myself as hard done to is when I see other women popping out kids like peas with no consequences of cost and relying on the state to bail them out. THAT is when I feel sad, vexed and all of the emotions in between as they are getting something that my husband and I will never get – the possibility to have as many children as their bits will make!

Moral of my story… There ARE women out there who just get on with it. I admire these women. I think the women who have children and also remember who they are as people are awesome! BEING A MOTHER DOES NOT DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON, YOU ARE STILL YOU. Do your nails, have your hair done, go out for pizza. Your children are one of the most important things to you so celebrate by posting photos on Instagram to share with the people who matter. Chat with others mothers on Twitter or Facebook but don’t make it only about your kids. I adore my baby boy and want to shout it from the rooftops but I don’t feel the need to constantly moan about the unpleasant aspects all over the internet for the world to see.

Laura x

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